I haven’t published any “content” in over 2 months. Silence on all social media platforms and Newton’s first law creating an unbearable friction to put anything in motion. At first it was just business with work, as paying the bills can usually trump any creative pursuit, especially at it’s nascency. Then a few weeks passed and the momentum of not-doing was catalyzed furthermore by things such as education; I started voraciously reading, listening to podcasts, all while in between I would swallow up audiobooks at 1.5x speed. The fear of returning to my music and beginning to write was starting to creep in and procrastination kept me safe. Since I was never one to proactively waste time, I focused on planning projects, outlining new songs, storyboarding vlogs…more things to keep doing any actual work at bay. This went on for weeks. I finished 6 books and took a moleskin’s worth of notes yet produced literally nothing.
Earlier this month I found myself in San Francisco listening to the historian Timothy Snyder give a lecture on what it means to live “the good life”. This was all in the context of a universal basic income where everyone’s fiscal needs would be met. What would the societal protocols need to be to ensure that people don’t lose themselves to hedonic destruction? The question deeply struck me because for the past few years I’ve been, at least in a psychological sense, in a state of relative freedom. This hasn’t fared well for the amount of credit card debt I accrued, but for the most part, I never had to worry about where my money was coming from, with diverse income streams to keep my mind at ease. With money taken care of, the next rung on the hierarchy of needs would be fulfillment of purpose. Yet could that be the main ingredient in living “the good life”? Or in the very least, living a life of meaning?
In my opinion, the good life and purpose are two equally nebulous terms and linking them could be an incorrect starting point, but to validate my mid-twenties let’s assume the correlation between the two is sound. The glue to bind both purpose and the good-life would then need to be discipline. Discipline is the reason I’m writing this disjointed attempt at reviving my blog. It’s a Saturday and all my bills are paid. All my photos are edited. Yet I feel a mammoth disconnect from myself and the world. I’m dearly trying to fight the urge to procrastinate because I understand that I need to engage with someone, anyone. And with enough repetition, this could lead to the discovery of whatever “purpose” is; the reveal of direction while already en route. Setting aside edicts of “living in the moment” for happiness, I can argue that finding a sense of community will invigorate latent drive. Subsequently I’ll be content. I think. The medium at that point will be irrelevant.
There is a part of me that says all recent material I’ve been composing is worthless. Granted, there could be a modicum of truth in that an unconditioned muscle being forced out of hibernation isn’t as nimble as one continually in motion. I know I just need to start. That little voice inside is always calling out to play. It’s probably the inner child we’ve all ignored for far too long. The more that time passes, the fainter the signal becomes.
I’ll return to Timothy’s question soon, but until then I have to cull the good ideas out of my notebooks and put them into motion. There is an album to complete, a vlog to start, a podcast to figure out, as well as another adventure to plan. Let’s fucking go!